I am stressed – so what do I turn to to help combat my stress level – chocolate cake, more precisely chocolate fudge cake. This one will seriously affect the size of my bum but frankly, who cares.

Cake
125 grams unsalted butter, room temperature
225 grams natural brown sugar (process in a blender until similar to caster sugar)
2 large fresh eggs, room temperature
140 ml crème fraîche
100 grams plain white flour
75 grams wholemeal cake flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
50 grams organic cocoa
1 large orange – finely grated zest only
20 ml fresh orange juice
Frosting
200 grams Lindt Excellence Orange Intense
2 rounded tbsp cocoa powder
150 ml double cream
To serve
Sliced fresh strawberries and crème fraîche

Pre-heat the oven to 180ºC, 160ºC fan assisted, 350ºF, Gas 4
Grease and line two 20 cm sandwich tins with greaseproof paper

Cake

• Cream the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy.
• Beat in the eggs – one at a time – beating well between each addition.
• Beat in the crème fraîche.
• Sift in the white flour, wholemeal flour, BP, bicarbonate of soda and cocoa, add the orange zest – fold in until combined.
• Divide the mixture between the prepared tins, bake for between 30 to 35 minutes – insert a fine skewer into the centre of the cake, if it comes out clean the cake is ready.
• Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Frosting/filling

• Melt the chocolate in a bowl set over a pan of hot water, stir until smooth.
• Sift the cocoa into a bowl, add sufficient water to form a smooth paste.
• Stir into the melted chocolate.
• Gradually add the cream, whisk until well combined and fluffy.

To finish

• Sandwich the cakes together with a third of the filling.
• Ice the cake using remaining frosting/filling.

Serve with fresh berries and lightly whipped cream/crème fraîche

I am told my “rants” are famous but I doubt it, but what the hell, here I go again.

I had a lovely recipe, handed down through generations – well two at least for this simple filling for light sweet bread rolls that were topped with zesty lemon icing. I lost it! Why – because some stupid person who has nothing better to do decided to send a bug or Trojan horse or virus or whatever to our computer which somehow managed to get through several levels of security and took said computer over – I lost about 20 of my very old and treasured recipes, my books are still in the UK, at least I hope so.

Now -after searching the Internet for two hours, all I can get is the French version. It isn´t as simple and it isn´t as tasty as the one my old Mum and Grandma made.

So I am having a b****y paddy about it.

Going off at a tangent, why is it that many of our lovely old recipes that are not so famous are being “reinvented” by “celebrity chefs” and given French names. Is it because our “chefs” are so into naming all our dishes in “French” to make them sound just that little bit “posh” and different, more sophisticated even? It seems that all our food hailed from France (maybe I exaggerate just a tad), then we just gave said dish an English name and claimed it as our own.

I mourn the loss of my recipe, but I will not use crème patisserie, which is absolutely lovely in its place – but its not in my light fluffy British sweet bread  roll with Confectioner´s Custard or Cream (the British version) with lovely zesty lemon icing.

Rant over, for the time being. Looks like I need to hunt down an old British cookery book for baked goods, preferably from someone who was “born and bred” in the county of my birth – Yorkshire!

And then there are people who insist on calling our “pouring custard” by the French name “Crème anglaise”  - even when they do not speak French and are not French and reside in the UK. Please save me from the pretentious i****s amongst us.

This is a dream found in another of my recipe books from 2011, the night of 15 February.

A colleague (Jean) and I were passengers in Graham´s car. We approaching a steep hill in the village where I lived as a child. A plane was coming in to land on one of the “hanging landing pads”. The plane has thrusters used when landing – underneath, both sides and rear – the main engines were turned off.

It missed.

The “landing pads” were hanging shelves, one on top of the other.

The pilot tried to ascend, but failed – the aeroplane turned over onto its back and crashed. It started to slide down the hill, approaching the car, we were under the wing before it stopped.

When looking through an old recipe book, I found a brief description of two dreams – the first on 24 January 2010 the second on 2 February 2010.

My daughter, mother, father and myself were sitting in the living room of my childhood home. A helicopter was coming towards the house, behind the helicopter a futuristic craft – silver, a non reflective dull colour. My daughter, in answer to a question from myself, replied that she thought it was a modern craft undergoing testing. Next, a large number of tiny oblong craft, no wings or visible means of propulsion. Then various types of craft, larger – these appeared to be carrying heavy loads. The craft themselves were silver with the exception of one type which was slate grey with ugly contours. I commented “we should have left the planet when we had the chance”. My mother queried why we hadn´t. I replied, “my daughter did not want to”. Adding – “I knew something would go wrong when we didn´t go. It started to snow heavily, inches in seconds. I asked “do you think they will let us live”. There was no reply.

The second dream, which appeared to be a “follow on” from the first started where we were sitting in a shallow cave near the top of a mountain. Very heavy snow was coming towards us and from behind a strong wind. Within the snow cloud were large slate grey craft – enemy soldiers were being transported to the ground to find the last pockets of resistance. A group of aircraft flew over us, approaching from behind – the others rose, shouted and cheered. I said “we should be quiet”. The others replied “we should cheer our men on”. My daughter said “we need to stay quiet, they will hear us”. We had no food, water or means to light a fire. Calm restored, we watched the enemy approach.

I have no idea of the meaning behind these dreams and the research I have carried out does not give a logical answer to my queries.

When is a sandwich not a sandwich – when it is to all intent and purpose, a pie! This was served when I was young for school dinner, I “begged” the recipe from the cook, cos I loved it so much. I haven´t made it in years. Obviously the quantities have been reduced.

Fork Mix Pastry
8 ounces self raising flour
1/2 level tsp fine salt
2 tbsp plus 2 tsp cold water
4 oz trex or lard (I freeze a mix of lard and butter for about 15 minutes)

Sift the flour and salt into a bowl, add remaining ingredients, mix with a fork for about two minutes until a dough ball forms. I now wrap in clingfilm and chill before rolling out.

Grease a 7 inch sandwich tin – they used lard for this as butter was too “precious”
Preheat oven to 400ºF

Filling
8 ounces sausage meat or pork mince
1/4 tsp dried mixed herbs (or half a teaspoon of fresh)
2 shallots or small onions, peeled and finely grated
Salt and pepper

Mix together the meat, herbs, shallots and seasoning.

Roll out two thirds of the pastry, use to line a buttered oven proof dish. Fill with meat. Roll out remaining piece of pastry, place on top of the filling. Seal edges, cut two vents in the top to allow any steam to escape. You could brush with milk or egg wash, but the cook didn´t.

Bake for 30 minutes in the centre of the preheated oven, or until the meat is cooked and the pastry lightly browned.

Serve, while hot, with gravy, mashed potatoes and fresh garden peas or carrots.

Buttery Mashed Potato

Clearly these are not the mashed potatoes we were given at school – if we were lucky, they were mashed with some hot milk. Certainly not cream or butter.

2 lbs King Edward or Maris Piper potatoes
Butter and milk or cream
Salt
White pepper – optional

Place the potatoes into a large pan, cover with cold water and bring to the boil, add salt to taste (about 1 tsp) and boil for about 20 minutes or until soft – test with a knife to ascertain if cooked. Warm the milk or cream and butter in a small saucepan. Mash the potatoes until all the lumps are removed, add the butter/milk mixture and whisk to combine. Mash thoroughly and place in an oven to keep warm until ready to serve (cover with aluminium foil).

Tips – sour cream and chives, for an extra rich mash add a lightly whipped egg yolk

Mum made these for me when I was young, usually at our bonfire night party – I loved them then and admit to loving them just as much today even though they were regarded as a child´s bun or small cake. This is one recipe I have not felt the need to revise. Traditional and wonderful.

1 large fresh egg and its weight (in the shell) in:-
- self raising flour
- unrefined caster sugar
- unsalted butter or margarine (or a mixture)
- pinch fine salt
Decoration
- 2 tbsp good quality apricot jam
- desiccated coconut
- 3 natural glacé cherries
- Angelica leaves

Method:-
Grease 5 or 6 castle pudding tins
Preheat oven to 380ºF
Prepare by creaming method (cream butter and sugar until pale and fluffy, beat in the egg with 1 tablespoon flour, sift in remaining flour and salt, gently fold in)
Half fill each tin with the mixture
Bake for 20 minutes on the middle shelf of the preheated oven – or until well risen and firm when lightly pressed with the little finger
Leave to cool for 10 minutes in the tins, remove and put onto a wire rack until cold

While the Madelines are cooling – warm two tablespoons of apricot jam, sieve
Place the coconut into a wide shallow bowl
When cold, trim off the rounded part (the risen rounded part at the top)
Brush the jam over the top and sides
Roll in the coconut, top with half a natural glacé cherry or a leaf of angelica

This a quick fix to right the wrongs of a very very bad day.

Quick Chocolate Custard

300 grams ready made custard
30 grams dark or milk chocolate – grated

Warm the custard, according to instructions on the tub
When the custard is hot stir in the chocolate
Serve immediately

This is lovely with a plain sponge or chocolate pudding; poured over bananas, cover with clingfilm so it touches the custard, chill in the fridge (classic old fashioned banana and custard with a twist); or just with the addition of cake, rather than pudding – its a “Mum” thing from when I was very very young!

Cake
225 grams unsalted butter
175 grams unrefined caster sugar
50 grams soft light brown sugar
4 large fresh eggs, lightly beaten
225 grams self raising flour, sifted
2 tsp baking powder
2 rounded tbsp organic cocoa
4 tbsp boiling water

Cream the butter and sugars together until smooth
Add the eggs, one at a time, beating well between each addition
Mix the cocoa with the boiling water, fold into the batter with the sifted flour and baking powder
Bake for 30 minutes or until springy to the touch

I went online today and searched for my ex husband (I often search for old friends to see how they are getting on and whether they are still among us), his full name is unusual having his mother´s Scottish maiden name as his second Christian name. The first on the list was his obituary, I discovered he died in December 2010.

After all these years, a lifetime it seems, there must still be some feeling left. I was upset and cried.

I cannot believe that he died so young, well 67 is young these days, isn´t it. Somehow, while he was in the world, everything seemed to go along just fine. Now I know he isn´t there any longer, it is like … final closure, like I didn´t really want to let go. My feelings confuse me.

I was the one who walked out on the relationship. The one who divorced my partner. The one who said I didn´t love, or like, him any more.

Memories of happier times are flowing through my mind, a time when I loved being with him – before marriage. I did not expect this reaction and I admit to not understanding it. Confused? Absolutely. Why do I feel like this now, why now?

Its just a little warm, well maybe just a little bit hot!

Is that an understatement, well yes. The temperature on our balcony yesterday and the day before was 44ºC and 45ºC respectively. And it is set to be a little warmer today. I can´t wait.

The best time of the day to be out of bed is night. I finally gave up trying to sleep at just after 5 am this morning, it was already about 24ºC in the apartment. No air con, but we do have very efficient fans which give some help in keeping us – and the JFT – cool. Of all of us, the computer is suffering the most.

Even though it was hot yesterday morning, it was cloudy and the sea was rough, so my daughter was able to bathe in the Mediterranean, but I was not. I think she made the life guard just a bit nervous – he was clutching the arm rest on his tower along with his “flotation device” looking extremely nervous. She was the only one silly enough to go in the water, and … she did have an audience!

I have been swimming for the first time in two years in the Mediterranean sea, not a bit like the mill pond described in many brochures, lovely waves and lots of pretty fish to look at. But the best part – it is finding out that at 64 I am still able to play in the sea and enjoy it. You have to respect the sea though, very powerful when you least expect it.

Mum often said to me – “you should have a hair style befitting your age”, “or you should act your age”. My mother was an old woman in her thirties – behaving the way she though she should. She tried to make me do the same, not bloody likely. I like having fun and intend to do so while I am able, though not so able now.

Loving it – the new apartment, the town, the sea close by, our view of the sea, the restaurants and bars, the shopping. Fantastic!

I left the village where we had been living since October 2010 on 1 August and have not looked back. It was virtually impossible for me to get out, the bars and restaurants were too far to walk, and the hills were impossible for me. I should have expected hills in the mountains? Looking back, the last time I left the house was 5 January 2011 – nearly 7 months without leaving the house!