I’m in a lot of pain at the moment. The athritus which has plagued much of the last few years has worsened, whether it is as a result of the chemotherapy I don’t know. All I know is walking any distance, long or short, or climbing stairs is painful, very painful. I wish the pain would go.

I didn’t realise it was so long since I posted. Doesn’t time fly when you are having fun? I do believe the only action my weblog has seen in several days is a load of spam comments.

As a quick recap – in the last week I have seen Harry Potter three times, and The Day after Tomorrow once. Both films, in my humble opinion, were very entertaining.

My daughter and I are going to see Harry Potter this evening. Its going to be madness, I just know it.

On the issue of tiredness I seem to be going from one extreme to another – from being permanently exhausted and desiring a catnap at regular intervals I am suddenly requiring very little sleep. I don’t seem to get a real burst of energy until well after 10pm.

The chemo treatment however was harder this time, or at least so it seemed to me. There were more symptoms, and of course this time I really did have the hair loss to contend with. Still, it was my decision to abandon the cold cap, so I cannot really complain on that front.

I am in discussion with the unit about the possibility of delaying the treatment for a few days so I can attend Bramham Horse Trials. It will only mean a delay of three or four days.

In my less positive moments I have to admit regreting having chemotherapy. The side effects, however nullified (is that even a word?) are sometimes difficult, and it is hard watching the people I love worry. One has to wonder whether the risks of chemotherapy sometimes outweigh its good. Of course, these moments are short lived and I soon return to the world of logic again

Little bit tired over the weekend, and occasionally weepy. Actually feel better for doing a couple of hours work this morning though.

My blood count was very low yesterday, and it was dubious as to whether or not they were going to proceed with the chemotherapy – but they did in the end. Apart from a small amount of sickness last night I seem to be coping very well.

Today we went to visit Joe, and I must say I am surprised by how much he has grown. He’s walking, fighting, chewing, and generally displaying an arrogance only fitting a dog suitable for my daughter!

It was always going to be a question of when, and not if, but I finally placed a deposit on another pup which was available. I played with the pups today, and had my mind set that if one responded to me (other words chose me) then, if he were available, I would take him as my own. That pup is called Sam, and I will provide a photograph of him soon. He’s a smaller and calmer version of Joe obviously.

I’m so excited, it means we can’t afford a gas powered cooler for camping now, but who the hell needs one of those?

My daughter reminds me that Joe will be four weeks old tomorrow, she also keeps reminding me that Joe is HER dog. I’ll remind her of that when he piddles (or worse) on the floor. We are going to see him on Friday, and I’m surprised how excited I am about this.

Our tickets for Bramham Horse Trials arrived today. We have a few more things to buy and then we are ready for our camping epition. Well, except for one minor detail – we still have not practiced erecting the tent!

The last few days have been fairly uneventful. The breast care nurse called to check if everything was OK last week, and I briefly mentioned that there was some discomfort where the chemo needle had gone into my hand (from the first treatment, not subsequent). Fearing that the vein might be breaking down I had to call in at the unit, but they decided that it was nothing to be concerned with.

I’m starting to dislike all the fuss, everyone means well, but I’d really like to go a week without the issue of cancer hanging over my head.

Little chance of that this week, I have my next dose of chemotherapy tomorrow, and this time I will be on my own – my daughter has an exam. I had my blood test this morning, and I can’t help but worry that because my blood count was low last time that it will even lower this time!

Discovered this online quiz via my daughter, and surprisingly (at least for me) I got the same result.

What Color is Your Brain?
brought to you by Quizilla

At work or in school: I work best by myself. I like to focus on my ideas until my desire for understanding is satisfied. I am easily bored if the subject holds no interest to me. Sometimes, it is hard for me to set priorities because so many things are of interest.
With friends: I may seem reserved. Although my thoughts and feelings run deep, I am uneasy with frequent displays of emotion. I enjoy people who are interesting and of high integrity.
With family: I am probably seen as a loner because I like a lot of private time to think. Sometimes, I find family activities boring and have difficulty following family rules that don’t make sense to me. I show love by spending time with my family and sharing ideas and interests.

I’m running out of things to say here. At first when this was all new and daunting there was so many feelings and thoughts shooting through my mind, and I needed an outlet. But now, being diagnosed with breast cancer has become old news – chemotherapy has become part of the normal pattern of life. OK, so the hair falling out is a little nerve racking and sometimes I suffer fatigue or feel sick or moody. Its all old news now. Perhaps I’ve come to terms finally with my diagnosis, perhaps it longer seems important, or maybe I just don’t have anything to say inbetween various appointments at the clinics.

We knew on arrival that this was a breeder who bred for the love of JRT’s and not profit. We could hear the dogs barking as we approached the house, and as the door opened we were leapt on by three athletic JRTs I had forgotten just how high those little dogs could jump!.

I must admit to being especially keen on one of the ladies older dogs – a little adult bitch. She was a real beauty, and nutty as a fruitcake. I was in love.

The puppies were in a small room off the conservatory, and I let my daughter go in rather than me. Their eyes had only been open a day or two, and they were swimming about their pen waiting for another feed. My daughter quickly spotted two she was keen on – after introducing herself to the Mum and asking permission to stroke the pups she said hello. They were both very responsive, but one pup actually swam up to her hand. He seemed very curious, and dare I say a little boysterous. The decision was made. We paid our deposit. We can call in a see them anytime.

She told us to email a name, and on the way home we discussed names. We talked about the names we had given the English Bull’s – and mentioned a dog we named ‘John Willy’. My daughter suddenly blurted out ‘Jo’ – a short snappy name for a short dog. So, Jo it is. The picture above is my daughter with the soon to be new member of this household – Jo.

Today I am going to the hospital for a wig fitting. This feels a little strange, although in a very strange way I feel very relieved. Cold cap I believe is worthwhile only if you have a head of hair you are especially proud of – I don’t have that, and therefore feel the discomfort of sitting with a freezing cap on my head for several hours is not worth it.

On the plus side it also means that the treatments will take less time.

This afternoon my daughter and I are going to look at some Jack Russell pups. I know my family will not approve, but I do feel that a puppy really could offer my daughter an additional distraction she needs. I just wish the puppies were a little older. There is another pup available in Kent, who is a little beauty and will be ready next weekend – but I wonder if this is a little far to travel? My daughter says she could go down by train.