I have recently come home from hospital and am extremely unwell even now.

I needed some food in the house and went to a local ATM to attempt to draw out funds.  It was refused.

I returned home, exhausted, and attempted to login to my online banking to see if there was a problem. I was unable to login.

I then phoned Telephone Banking and was told, by the automated service, my current balance was zero.

I almost cried because, as far as I was aware there was significantly more than zero in my account.

I requested to speak to an advisor who told me a fraud alert had been placed on my account owing to suspiscious activity.

I then had to call the Fraud line. He asked me my name, which I confirmed. Then he asked me my address. Now I live in Spain and I am by no means fluent, relying on my daughter to speak the Spanish bits for me, so I stumble over my address. He says its not the one he has on file and, because I am poorly, I ask if he is able to ask me anything else about my account.

He says no and basically says that owing to inability to answer my address exactly I must come into the branch with ID. I point out I am in Spain and there are no branches of RBS here. He basically states “Tough” or words to that effect.

Luckily my daughter, sensing there was a problem, quickly writes our address down and holds it out. She holds my hand because I am so stressed. Not only am I ill but I have just been told my bank balance was zero.

We get through it and he reels off a bunch of payments they consider strange – small amounts really and nothing I have not paid before. As it turns out the payment attempt which triggered their fraud system was, apparently, for a 2.69 debit card transaction.

2.69? Really?

So, I am put through no small amount of stress owing to the extra walking and upset over finding my account balance zero when already ill. I have to tolerate a Customer Service man on the fraud team who was, by no means, helpful. In fact he was borderline rude.

I am disgusted. I dont mind them putting a hold my card, as they have done before, when there is a suspicious transaction. But making it appear all funds have gone from my account, stopping me logging into online banking, and essentially telling me I was to find a way to return to the UK, to visit a local branch, when they know full well they have frozen my account is absolutely disgusting.

Over a 2.69 payment.

I am shaking and upset still. I feel awful. Thank you RBS.

I have always maintained that you do not need an elaborate recipe or method when making Yorkshire puddings, nor do you need eight eggs to make the puddings rise to four inches (10 cm).

So I recently decided to experiment with the Yorkshire pudding I was making – instead of using a recipe I placed six heaped (10 ml – traditional large dessert) spoons of flour into a sieve, added approx. one level teaspoon of salt and half a teaspoon of white pepper, sifted the dry ingredients into a large bowl then stirred with a whisk then made a well in the centre.

Added three large fresh eggs (one for each two spoonful of flour) to the well, unbeaten, stirred to break up the eggs, briefly beat with a metal spoon just until the batter was thick and smooth – maximum of two minutes; usually -. following my Mother´s method – I beat or whisk the batter for about ten minutes to add air.

Gradually stir in the cold milk until the consistency of thick cream, then cover the bowl and allow to stand at room temperature for two hours. This was mainly as I had other things to do in the intervening period.

When ready to bake, either preheat oven to 220ºC or increase oven temperature to that level.

Place a round ovenproof glass dish into the oven and added corn oil (it was either this or olive oil); when hot added a little sparkling water to the batter that had been chilled in the freezer for approx. – just enough to achieve a consistency a little thicker than single cream.

Quickly opened the oven door and poured the batter into the dish, closed quickly and cooked one rung above the centre shelf of the oven until well risen – it was not cooked at the top of the oven as in our lovely Spanish oven it would have burnt – there is a bare element at the top – so we usually cook everything either in the centre or lower half of the oven.

The pudding was about 10 cm in depth and a lovely golden brown and tasted fabulous.

The eggs and milk were still cold as they were straight out of the fridge and the sparkling bottled water added at the end – immediately before cooking – was very extremely cold – just short of ice crystals forming.

I love crumpets lightly toasted and generously buttered or, alternately, topped with natural English Cheddar cheese and grilled until the cheese is hot, golden brown and bubbling.

Unfortunately the only ones available here in Spain are frozen, its the age of said crumpets that bothers me, even taking into account that they have been stored in the freezer.

So I decided to make my own!

225 grams strong white bread flour
1 tsp fine salt
1 sachet fast-acting yeast
1 tsp caster sugar
285 ml milk and 55 ml water – lukewarm

1. Sift the flour and salt into a large baking bowl, stir in the sugar and yeast.
2. Gradually add the liquids – while stirring to achieve a thick smooth batter.
3. Cover with a tea towel, leave at room temperature for approx. 45 minutes, or until light and frothy.
4. Warm a greased griddle or heavy based frying pan.
5. Place greased egg (or chef´s) rings into the griddle/frying pan and pour approx. 15 ml (one tablespoon) into each ring – amount subject to ring size.
6. Cook over a medium heat for about 4 to 5 minutes – bubbles will start to rise to the surface then burst – this gives the crumpets their characteristic appearance.
7. Remove the rings, turn (or flip) the crumpets, cook the other side for about a minute, or two.
8. I love these either buttered with jam or topped with cheese and grilled.

A few days ago we decided to have a “take away” from this restaurant on Avenida Mediterraneo, Playa Torrecilla, Nerja opposite the Riu Monica hotel.

The food was disappointing – curry sauce thick and tasteless, the fish was not of the variety ordered, the batter was (soggy not crisp and tasty), the chips were soggy and fatty not even lightly browned, quite anaemic.

Only once have we had a decent meat at this restaurant (we made the mistake of visiting four times – must be a glutton for punishment).

On our first visit in September 2011 the food was absolutely fabulous, the service quick – the waitress polite and attentive. On our next three visits it was “passable”, the curry sauce was cold and tasted awful, service “slow and sullen”. We were overcharged twice and on one occasion, when I ordered an English breakfast, the food was not as stated on the menu – I could have done better myself. Despite the price including cost of drinks, we were charged extra for my cup of tea – the best part of the meal.

We will never visit this restaurant again.

This ragu is versatile and can be used in many recipes – as a sauce with tagliatelle or spaghetti, in a simple pasta bake with macaroni or other pasta shapes, as a base for a cottage style pie topped with mashed or thinly sliced potatoes, sweet potatoes or a mixture of root vegetables. Like many recipes of this kind, the ingredients are not “set in stone”, so if you prefer pancetta, substitute this for the bacon. Use tinned tomatoes – in many cases the good quality tomatoes in tomato sauce are just as good. Change the meat, for instance use all beef or try lamb.

50 grams unsalted butter
6 slices smoked bacon, chopped
1 large onion – peeled and finely chopped
2 carrots – trimmed, peeled and finely chopped
3 garlic cloves – peeled and finely chopped
2 celery stalks – peeled, trimmed and finely chopped
250 grams lean minced beef
250 grams lean minced pork
250 ml good quality red wine (or white wine if you prefer)
150 ml beef or chicken stock (or half chicken, half beef)
400 grams prepared fresh Italian plum tomatoes – peeled, seeds removed, finely chopped (or tinned)
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
2 tbsp finely chopped fresh flat leaf parsley – leaves only
1 tsp finely chopped fresh oregano leaves

1. Warm the butter in a large heavy based frying pan.
2. Add the bacon, onion, carrots, garlic and celery.
3. Fry very gently over a low heat for approximately 10 minutes – stirring occasionally, without browning.
4. Add the beef, stir with a wooden spoon to break up the meat then add the pork – stirring to break up the pieces.
5. Brown the meat – about 15 minutes.
6. Add the wine and allow to bubble for a few minutes to evaporate the alcohol.
7. Add the chicken stock and tomatoes, while stirring.
8. Cover with a lid, place over the lowest heating setting – when cooking with gas I use a diffuser – cook for 1 hour, adding more stock if necessary.
9. Stir often to avoid sticking or burning.
10. Stir in the herbs and season to taste, cover and return to the hob for 30 minutes.
11. The mixture should not be too dry – at the end of cooking, to obtain a smooth consistency, stir in some more hot stock then adjust seasoning if necessary.

About 45 minutes ago,  we were sitting in the living room – me watching television, Lisa on the computer when there was  ”grinding then cracking” noises from our hallway/apartment entrance. We both went to see what was happening, the noise increased and the floor tiles started to buckle. This lasted about two minutes. My daughter went to check the shop below, nothing untoward there.

The floor tiles are damaged but the floor itself appears sound.

But … I feel nervous. I have witnessed the collapse of so many building in Spain where the cause has been unknown – they just tend to fold like a pack of cards.

The workmanship in many Spanish apartment blocks is appalling – we had one new apartment where lovely tiles were laid on the balcony – just before we left one of the tiles cracked and a piece fell off into the street below – whilst no one was on the balcony. This revealed a lovely view of the path – nothing between us and the ground three stories below except several slender pieces of metal holding up the balcony – these went into the building and were attached to the railing surrounding the balcony. On closer inspection we ascertained the tiles were laid directly onto these pieces of metal! There was no other support. Does this fill you with confidence as it did me?

Getting back to today, initially I thought it could be one of the minor earthquakes we have experienced since moving to Andalucia – in our first house the walls actually moved. On reflection, it may be that the glue has failed, at least I hope my daughter´s reasoning on this issue is sound.

Sometimes the simple things in life are great, bringing back happy memories. This is one.

Rather than explain in the recipe how to make a lattice pie topping, I looked for a video – this particular one gives the traditional method followed by an easy method, very simple to follow and easy to do.

While I have just given a couple of options for the jam filling, as long as the jam or conserve is high fruit and low sugar, it should be okay. My choice is the lovely fig jam made with agave nectar available here in Spain.

Pastry
250 grams unbleached plain white flour
100 grams unrefined caster sugar
1 tsp fine salt
125 grams unsalted butter
1 fresh egg, plus 1 egg yolk – lightly whisked
Filling
250 grams high fruit jam – apricot, black cherry

1. Wrap the butter in original wrapper, chill in freezer until very firm, not frozen.
2. Sift flour, sugar and salt into a large baking bowl
3. Remove butter from freezer – while dipping in flour frequently throughout the process and tossing the grated butter to coat in flour – grate butter over the dry ingredients.
4. Add the egg and mix briefly – just until the dough holds together – do not over mix or knead.
5. Remove one third of the pastry (wrap in clingfilm and chill in the fridge); roll out the larger piece on a lightly floured work surface to 3 mm thick.
6. Use to line a 23 cm shallow tart tin with removable base and fluted edges; the sides should be a little thicker, so fold the overhang over and press into the fluted edges then trim off excess.
7. Prick base with the tines of a fork; cover and chill for 30 minutes.
8. Remove tart tin and reserved piece of pastry from the fridge, spread the jam evenly over the base.
9. Roll out the reserved pastry as before and prepare the lattice top as per instructions in the video.
10. Preheat oven to 200ºC, 180ºC fan assisted, 390ºF.
11. Bake for approximately 25 minutes or until a light golden colour.
12. Immediately (and this step is important, you do not want a “soggy bottom” with this tart – remove from the tin, transfer to a wire rack to cool.

Update - now that the tourist season has started, these “ladies” have been seen frequently in the Torrecilla beach area (I recognised two of them, on this occasion there were three women) be aware and take care – we saw them approach a British couple as they were going back to their hotel opposite Bar Jamaica just a few days ago, luckily the lady and gentlemen were aware of their reputation and said no, walked off quickly to the hotel – one of the “flower girls” actually started to quickly follow the couple in what seemed to me to be an aggressive manner but obviously had second thoughts.

After spending a lovely evening watching the Three Kings enter the Balcon de Europa, we decided to make our way home. Paid our bill and waited until the streets had cleared a little then left on our way through the narrow streets leading back to the Torrecilla area. Upon entering Plaza de Cavana we were approached by young woman (and neither of us had seen her approach), had flowers thrust into our hands with a demand for a few cents – within seconds four of these girls surrounded us; two asking me for money (I was not carrying any at the time) and two trying to get into my daughter´s purse and bag. This is the first time we have experienced anything like this in Nerja; not unfortunately the first time someone has stolen from my daughter whilst living in Spain.

Normally we are street wise, but we were both distracted, most certainly a stupid thing to do at this time of night. Luckily an English man approached very quickly and told us not to give them money and explained they were thieves; the “flower girls” disappeared as quickly as they had appeared and having thanked the couple who helped us, we made our way home without incident. Apparently they approach people who are distracted, often women on their own who, like me, are vulnerable.

These women are often at the local markets and were well known in the area; though I am sure there is more than one “gang”.

If you are visiting Nerja (or in fact any other tourist resort in Spain), be aware that there are pick pockets and other thieves in the area. One person was robbed twice during their eleven day holiday but many visitors enjoy their time here without experiencing problems.

We have become complacent since living in an inland village, carrying a bag when we go out, keeping our money and cards in one purse and so on. Had we followed our own rules, this incident would not have occurred.

Tips
- do not carry a bag (quite common for someone on a scooter to snatch your bag and sometimes your jewellery out of your ears or off your neck/wrist).
- carry valuables, including passport, driving licence, credit/banks cards and cash separately –  best carried in a body belt or in hidden pockets on the inside of your clothes. IMHO bum bags are easily removed, especially when worn so they are actually facing backwards.
- take only the money you need for the night out and not all in one purse or wallet or by one person in the group – divide it up – putting it under the baby in a push chair is not a good idea!
- if you go to an ATM to withdraw money, have someone with you who constantly watches your back, and anyone who is too close. We find it best to actually go to the bank during opening hours, it is much safer; and to put the money away before leaving without allow anyone to see where the money is kept.
- be aware – watch for people following you either on foot or on a scooter; it may be innocent, but be aware anyway.
- “No” is the same in Spanish as in English, with just a shorter vowel – so say it loudly, show confidence and get rid of them. I have considered carrying a pepper spray, but am unsure whether this is legal.
- for personal safety, women alone should not walk up an unlit quiet street.

All this we “forgot”. So the most important tip – be aware and do not “day dream” when out; do not allow yourselves to become distracted and do not advertise your “wealth” by wearing so much jewellery you look like a “Christmas Tree”.

The ratio for making Mum´s Yorkshire puddings was 2 rounded tablespoons of plain white flour to each fresh egg, the ingredients were never weighed. Mum taught me that the secret of well risen Yorkshire puddings was the beating using a metal spoon, definitely not a whisk. Mum often used white bread flour. I wonder if Mum made me mix the puddings using a spoon to keep me occupied just a little longer.

This recipe was traditional in the area of the West Riding of Yorkshire in which I was “born and raised”; despite modern kitchen appliances, my friends (and their children) still use the traditional methods passed down from mother to daughter.

Plain white flour
Very fresh eggs
Milk or Milk/Water
Optional
Fine salt and white pepper
Light Yorkshire ale

1. So … measure the flour plus a little salt and pepper into a large strong baking bowl, make a well in the centre and add the whole eggs, stir with a metal spoon bringing the dry ingredients together, adding a little milk if necessary then beating (not whisking) until smooth, i.e. lump free.
2. Mum made me beat the pudding batter for about 15 minutes – or until my wrists hurt and I could not beat any more – when the batter was smooth, we slowly added the remaining liquid, while stirring until smooth.
3. The batter is better just a little thicker than single cream – Mum´s was between single and double cream.
4. The batter was rested (covered with a clean tea towel), at room temperature, for about an hour, sometimes longer.
5. The fats were heated until very hot, then the shelf was pulled out a little, the batter poured in and the door closed (the batter sizzled when poured into the tin).
6. The door was not opened until the pudding was ready – Mum said this was so heat was not lost, nothing to do with the pudding not rising – Mum´s Yorkshire Puddings never failed to rise.
7. Serve immediately with onion gravy.
8. Left overs – serve with fresh lemon juice with icing sugar sifted over the top, or jam/golden syrup.

Yesterday we decided to visit Malaga city, to view the Christmas lights and do some shopping. We first went into the train station, some of the shops in that building are wonderful. Also … it was warm and easy for me to negotiate.

The first store we entered was a “fashion jewellery boutique”, I saw something that interested me (as a possible “inexpensive” Christmas gift for my daughter). When I was approaching my daughter briefly lifted a necklace that she liked and thought I might find attractive. It was lovely, for this type of jewellery. An assistant who had watched me “like a hawk out hunting” shot over and very rudely (and in a patronising manner) spoke to my daughter while staring at me. The comment (in brief) was “don´t touch the jewellery”. Okay that´s fine … but one large Spanish gentleman touched everything he liked – not a word said.

Was this racism?

My daughter was quite happy to continue looking, with the intention of buying. I was not. Having a very quick temper, I told my daughter that I was leaving – having had every intention of buying, I had changed my mind and would not buy from a store who employed staff who were rude, very unwelcoming and patronising. Did she speak English? By the look on her face at the comment I would say so.

Did the assistant looked surprised when I “sailed” out of the shop in “high dungeon” – glowering at her in passing. You can bet your life she did. They were not doing a roaring trade. We passed by the shop twice more, no one was buying any of the produce, in fact – there was no one in the store.

And who can blame customers for boycotting them.

Clearly she needed training in approaching customers and also picking out possible thieves – I am not a shop lifter, at 65 with mobility problems and clearly not in good health, it must have been obvious that I could not run to escape the security, hobble maybe, escape absolutely not.

While on the subject of shop lifters, I did see two women later with large interesting pockets on the inside of their loose fitting coats, carrying lots of bags. They came and sat beside me then proceeded to empty their pockets which were full of goods they had stolen (two pairs of fashion boots, pretty loungerie, small leather goods like wallets and evening bags, perfume and make up items to name but a few. They then removed the safety tags and placed the goods in bags with the names of stores on them, discarding the security tags in a bin nearby. Very well organised. Did they look like shop lifters? Well dressed and groomed, Spanish, looked like mother and daughter out on a shopping trip together; I am sure the assistant we had problems with would not have given them a second glance.